Castle of the Barens: Absum
Castle of the Barens: Absum is the fourth COTB film in the series, but it is not counted in the "numbered" movie lines. As the third film is being reserved for Castle of the Barens 3. However, Absum is part of a subtitled midquel/spin-offs to with TearFlame also belongs to. It was filmed three years after TearFlame and has obtained reputation for being the longest COTB film to date. Plot During a thunderstorm, Prof. Tim experiences harrowing nightmares involving his previous struggles in the castles. After waking up from a particularly bad dream, he lazily walks into his bathroom to rehabilitate.Tim finds a nasty scar on his abdomen, the origins of which are a total mystery. As Tim considers this new horror thrust upon him, the doorbell immediately rings. Suspiciously, he opens the door to a dark silhouette that insists a new assignment is ready for Prof. Tim to accept. Tim shuts the door without a word. After the main titles, we see Tim eating an Ice Cream Delight on a tranquil and secluded park bench, pondering the new summon that the government brought to him. The picturesque serenity of this moment is disturbed when Prof. Tim coincidentally spots his old comrade Shake, walking absent-minded across the street. Incensed, Tim approaches Shake who now has purchased his own flavor of Ice Cream Delight, which is rendered to creamy mush in the clasp of Prof. Tim's angry fist. After receiving a few head slams into the park trash can, Shake manages to break away and run for it. Tim eventually catches him and reminds Shake of "last time" when he, in the words of Tim, "went to Bora Bora with all my reward money!" The physical abuse ends when Shake asks point blank, "What are you doing here?" A question which brings to mind the mission briefing paper Tim pulls out of his Polly Pocket backpack. Shake seems completely surprised to see the paper. You can tell because his mouth hung open and his eyes widened in a rare moment of acting. Despite Prof. Tim's persistence in refusal to accept the assignment, late at night a ghost glides into his room and forges Tim's signature, authenticating the binding contract for good. Waking up once more (again at 3 AM), Tim discovers the forgery, and is once again surprised by the doorbell ring. Heading downstairs, Tim opens the door to reveal Shake. When Shake calls on Tim, they are both aggravated to discover that both their papers were signed in their handwriting, but not by them or of their own free will. Prof. Tim is convinced it is Roger Spotiswoode trying to bamboozle them into cooperation, and he and Shake set off to protest to the government building. Spotiswoode denies involvement and absolves his corporation of the same in a stunning monologue that only manages to frustrate the two even further. Spotiswoode is skeptical of the angst-ridden pair and their claims to not having signed papers bearing their own handwriting as clear evidence against them. Prof. Tim begs for twenty-four hours in which he and Shake be allowed to solve the mystery of the forgeries. He promises that if the perpetrator is not found within the given time frame, they will do whatever the paper and thereby the government demands. Spotiswoode accepts the terms. He injects Tim and Shake with a TX-9 tracker fluid to ensure they do not deviate from the agreement, in order to monitor them using Google Earth. Twenty-three hours later, the only thing accomplished was inordinate amounts of time spent at the ice cream stand where Shake's idea to locate felonious personages did not go as planned, although a new flavor of ICE CREAM DELIGHT was discovered.The musings of such tasteful subjects is interrupted by Prof. Tim's cheesy Japanese phone alarm proclaiming their twenty-four hours to be up. Determinedly, they march up to Roger Spotiswoode's secretary to gain face time with Roger. The lady secretary starts to listen to them several times, but is always cut off by another phone call and makes them wait much longer than their patience lasts. Just as Tim suggests they cut her phone lines to command her full attention, the lights go out, causing Tim and Shake to fumble around stupidly in the dark for a flashlight. The eerie pallor from the flashlights reveals an empty secretary's chair and an abandoned phone. Shake does not comprehend why a building would collapse into total darkness during the day, but soon comes to the conclusion that the place is cursed. Prof. Tim is exultant in believing they will no longer be forced to infiltrate any castles. Shortly after the two arm themselves, Prof. Tim is momentarily crippled by a wildly unpleasant sensation stemming from his scar. Shake stops in concern, but Tim blows him off with a sardonic remark. Further exploration of the building reveals an astonishing lack of staff and what appears to be the dead body of Roger Spotiswoode. A gooey red, blood-like substance issues from his mouth, reminding Shake of a particular ICE CREAM DELIGHT. So involved in the delightful conversation he is having, Prof, Tim does not notice the secretary's body until standing directly under it. He moves out of the way just in time for it to flop to the floor, still and lifeless. He presumes she is now a zombie, but Shake is doubtful and is therefore made to check the body. She viciously attacks them both, gaining a hold of Shake's arm and biting it in the process. Tim shoots her down into a second death. Shake convulses and retches in horrible ways, his veins pop out, his teeth yellow, and ultimately he collapses to the floor. Tim flees in distress. While in hiding, Tim is accosted by a voice inside his head telling him he bears the Curse of Azrael. The voice also informs him that he can help his friend Shake, but only if he revisits the castle. After Tim's girlish weeping and deflection techniques fail, he is told that failure to return to the castle will result in his own death. The voice most helpfully points out the zombie antidote before one final command that Tim go to the castle. In a most unforeseen show of bravery, Tim valiantly returns to his zombifying friend and thrusts the antidote straight into his mouth. Some time passes in uncertainty while Shake lies first motionless, jostles his innards while staying primarily in a fetal position, then lies still again. But he at last rallies in human form and upon hearing Tim's intentions of going back to the castle, he wisely queries, "Which one?" Unfortunately, jogging memories of past escapades invokes the wrath of Tim when he remembers Shake's thieving ways and apparent attraction to Bora Bora. Tim punches Shake several times and all goes black. Tim's mind becomes a vortex of scattered images; the events of the past few days roiling in his head like thunder. He awakens in a hospital bed, disorientated and wounded. A voice who calls himself Dr. Eric Wolfmother, is sympathetic while telling Tim that neither Shake, nor the castles supernatural inhabitants, nor the events of the last year ever existed. He explains of his mind being in "dormant state" which a lot of Tim's (and Shake's) brain was lying in during all the infiltrating of castles. The shocking revelation causes Prof. Tim to go into a panic, and sedation is necessary for he will not be calmed. The after-credits depicts an understandably unstable Tim trying to buy ICE CREAM DELIGHTS from a stand at three in the morning. Deleted Ending The script of "Castle of the Barens: Absum" was not filmed in its entirety. The whole third act of the film was mostly unfilmed, and neglected. Mostly due to Tim Majersky and Jake Dragash's ability to become very unhelpful, over-demanding, useless, and lazy during principal photography under the direction of Phil Dragash. Seen in a very humorous interview, both Majersky and Dragash have admitted to such stress-inducing atrocities towards the film, and Phil. Third Act In the original Script, the film was never supposed to end in a cliffhanger, let alone in a hospital with the twist ending it ultimately received. The film was to have a climactic revisiting of a much more lavish, dark, and realistic looking Castle of Juvenelliah (from the first two films). Prof. Tim and Shake would have discovered a miniature marionette king, that would chase them throughout the hallways, until finally shot and elminated by Shake. Proceeding further, the voice inside Tim's head would have been revealed to be Mr. Barens's first film appearance, who constructed the curse which Tim posesses. In the end, it is revealed that the curse "infects" areas that Prof. Tim, the carrier, comes in contact with. Which is how the curse was expanded in the government building. Having Prof. Tim spread this curse, giving the demons, ghosts, and creatures more freedom (not just bound to the castle) to begin domination for the earth. Prof. Tim, always shown as a self-obsessed jerk throughout the films, makes a heroic sacrifice by blowing himself and the portion of the castle up, stopping the curse from infecting the world. Shake and Tim say a final, manly farewell (thanks to a really cool handshake) and the deed is done. In the end, Roger Spotiswoode arrives to help Shake, the last survivor of the explosion, get back to the office to have him treated. Asking Spotiswoode how he survived, seeing his dead blood-oozing body earlier, Roger states that he was knocked unconcious by hitting his head on a shelf while eating bread and jam. The final ending would have spoofed the ending of Commando, and finished with the revelation that Prof. Tim has not died, and gets chased by the Lion-Man in the woods. Ending the film properly. Development The film began with a window of opportunity to do a co-production on another project in the year 2007. Phil Dragash suggested a new sequel to Castle of the Barens, and ultimately, with a little persuasion, that became a reality. Jake and Phil began writing the script a month in advance, something the previous COTB films have not had. Title The title was later revealed to be "Absum" which is the latin phrase for "I'm outta' here"; comonly Production Shooting began in June 2007, and ended a few days later. This movie was not the same as the original in a sense that it had luxuries such as a script, a budget (30 Dinars, 36 U.S. cents), which was all spent on the Cream Delight that was squished in the Prof.Tim vs Shake outdoor sequence. Trivia *This is the only film in which Revolver Ocelot does not appear in. *Absum is the only film that required more than one day to film. *A script was written for it. No other COTB film has yet had this luxury. External Links Castle Of the Barens: Absum on Vimeo - COTB: Absum